MECHANICS are fed up with the way they are portrayed in soap operas.

Dressed in greasy overalls like Eastender Phil Mitchell they are shown as dodgy, workshy, incompetent and on the make, according to a poll of those working in the profession.

Well, I don't know about the first three findings of the research, by the racing car team Egg Sport, but the last is certainly true -- ask any car owner who hasn't served an apprenticeship with Rover whether they've been on the receiving end of a whacking great bill for dubious-sounding repairs to previously unheard-of parts.

I bet you could count on one hand the number of people who don't feel at least mild nausea when their car goes in for its annual MOT.

And how many people have got their cars back to find niggly little faults (and sometimes major ones) that warrant a return trip to the garage.

Of course, not all mechanics are like this -- I've had no problems with the garage I use presently and trust them implicitly. But, from my experience, I do believe that, overall, TV mechanics are a pretty true reflection.

There are other professions, however, which are anything but correctly portrayed on the small screen.

Doctors: Like the characters in Peak Practice, who become so deeply involved with their patients that they rush to their houses in the middle of the night to deliver a diagnosis or drop off a bottle of pills in person.

In reality you're lucky if, after a three-week wait, you get two minutes in the consulting room.

Journalists: Call me sheltered, but I have never seen a reporter in a mac and trilby rummaging through someone's bins on a dark night in the pouring rain, or hiding in a wardrobe with a microphone.

Neither have I come across any permanently-unshaven characters who reek of alcohol, use the foulest language invented and are regularly found slumped across their keyboards the next morning sleeping it off. Few of us would pretend to be tee-total, non-swearing angels, but TV does go over the top. Remember the painful Harry?

Detectives: Like Morse and Bergerac, they drive classic cars, live alone and have odd eccentricities that set them apart from other people.

Real-life DIs are generally lacklustre, dead-pan and dull. If you want proof, watch Crimewatch.

Neighbours: Soaps, including the obvious one usually portray them as friendly, chatty, do-anything-for-you types, or loud, brash and argumentative.

What about the ones who cross the street rather than say hello to you, don't take parcels in when you're out, and generally act like the people next door are in quarantine with a highly-contagious disease?

Farmers: I can only think of The Archers, and the farmers in that are about as real as Jordan's breasts.

I was brought up in a farming community where all I ever heard was "Aye, lad," (spoken to both sexes) "Gerroff my land, and "It's been another bad year."

They certainly were not pillars of the community, welcoming all and sundry into the kitchen for a bowl full of hot pot.

Pathologists: I haven't met one but I can't imagine any pathologist being as dour and smug as Sam Ryan (Amanda Burton) in Silent Witness.

She is a living example of the saying 'Smile and your face will crack.' I'd rather spend an evening with the corpses she handles. Come to think of it, it's hard to think of anyone on the telly other than mechanics who are portrayed as they are in reality.

Except, that is, for comedy characters. The likes of Steve Coogan as sales rep Gareth Cheeseman, the entire cast of The Office, from the sexist boss to the office junior, and virtually all the characters portrayed by Peter Kay, from bingo caller to local night club boss.

One was so closely observed that someone in the profession took legal action.

Funny, isn't it, how it takes comedians to show us as we really are.