I have been friends with my cousin since we were at college together.

I had always thought that she was a sensible person but she has been having an affair with a married man.

I have hinted that this is a bad thing but she says that she loves him.

She also uses me when things are not going well. I know her husband and I hate the fact that I have to lie to her relatives.

Last week it got to me though, when she said that this man was trying to get her to stop being intimate with her husband.

When I heard this I just lost my temper. I told her what I thought of this man and also said that she was a thoughtless, selfish idiot for continuing to see him. She was very hurt by this out burst and we haven't spoken since. I do value her friendship so perhaps I shouldn't have shot my mouth off. What can I do to make things right?

PJ

MASSI SAYS,

Don't blame yourself for saying what you said. Your cousin clearly didn't understand that, by confiding in you, she was making you a party to her guilty secret. That said, perhaps you could have told her this a little more gently? If you value her friendship and want to patch things up, I suggest you talk with her.

She may still be hurting so perhaps you should apologise for losing your temper. Explain that you only did this because you care about her and that you think this man is taking advantage of her. But then you need to make it clear that, if she plans to go on seeing this man, you do not want to know what is going on.

If she's the good friend she should understand.