DEAR MASSI...

My husband is constantly rude to my family.

We have been married 15 years now and despite them being polite he hates my family. He says they are after his money.

We are not that rich but he thinks my family is against his.

He is making my kids think like this too.

Once he purposely ruined a wedding on my family’s side by pretending to be ill. At another wedding he started a rumour that the bride had a boyfriend.

He also called my sister a whore (in gujrati) in front of everyone. He stole my mum’s purse and blamed my brother. My brother had money issues. I later found the purse in the boot of husband’s car.

At a dinner recently he made a phone call to the house pretending to be a tax inspector.

He also recently attended a family gathering and planted alcohol in my brother’s bedroom.

Once he got pictures from a family member and shared them on Watsapp.

His actions border on the insane. I am still with him and my family say I should never leave but I don’t think I can take this any more.

He is turning us all crazy.

Massi says: Coping with a feud between a spouse and their in-laws is a very stressful situation, particularly for the person stuck in the middle.

Your family may well tell you not to leave your husband, but it is important to remember that your husband's behaviour is hurting you and is causing you grief.

This is not about divided loyalties and picking a side.

Your husband's aggressive behaviour is draining your emotional energy.

You need to address this problem head-on with your husband.

Whilst it would be easier to advise that you keep contact between your husband and your family to a minimal, this will not solve the problem.

It is up to you to set boundaries. Whilst your husband may enjoy antagonising your family, you need to make him aware of how his behaviour impacts on you in a clear and candid discussion.

Make it clear that this is not about your family, but about how he is inadvertently hurting you deeply.