I’M not the type to do things without due planning but I don't reflect my parents in being like this.

What has brought about this generational change? My friends are similar – so it’s not just me. We may have absorbed aspects of the wider society around us which has greater awareness of administrative and planning.

Has this culture seeped into our social DNA? Has the Asian community become more achievement-focused than people-orientated like it was?

In the past local standing was important, how you were perceived by the community had bearing and hospitality had currency. 'Making room' for unannounced guests just the way it was. It had positive and negative aspects.

Let me give an example of what might have happened in yesteryear.

It's the school holidays and as a child you have nothing better to do than…well nothing. You have visited the library, you have gone swimming and now rest of the weeks stare out like a vast of ocean of emptiness. Completely caught off guard, there are some quick activities, some quite conversations and suddenly a wave of energy rushes over you as mum asks you to get ready to go to your cousin’s.

Dad is up at 11am because of all the noise and decided he may as well stay awake until the 10pm shift start.

He gets the car ready mum the children. Twenty minutes later you are at the other side of town. You rush to see Vinny your ten year old cousin and the rest is a haze: Vinny takes you to see his mate Jay who has three goldfish and new cricket bat his uncle brought back from Pakistan. A cricket game is arranged and before you know it it's 5pm.

Tired you and Vinny go back home, your five year old sister is colouring and playing with the baby, dad has been helping fix uncle’s car and mum and aunty have just returned from visiting a neighbour whose sister’s cousin passed away three months ago in Karachi. All seems to be going swimmingly well, it’s nearly 8pm and just as you are about the leave mum asks what’s in your sister’s hand.

She has decided the new colouring pens were too nice to leave behind really belong with her. Her grip tightens as she knows she will be asked to return them. Aunty makes a brave face and says 'it doesn’t matter' and 'she will buy some more' but she knows that her own children will hold her to account.

They are already making awkward attempts to take the pens back. Mum negotiates and tries to prise the pens out promising a trip to the shop first thing (a lie) and having no luck threaten to call the police.

Dad returns from the car. He raises his voice, takes the pens and hands them back. All the love seen in last few hours is confused with an urge to have something someone else has and a wailing child is put in the car and dads lectures are starting..'next time you are going to spend your holidays reading…'.