THE second royal baby is due this week, which brings me to the custom of showering – gifts that is.

According to royal experts, the Duchess of Cambridge never had a baby shower for Prince George as the Palace considered the practice of bestowing lavish presents on a well-off couple inappropriate.

And I have to agree. I think baby showers are a vacuous, materialistic American custom. They often take the format of big parties in pubs where the mother-to-be is bestowed with gifts of ‘nappy cakes’ for a child whose sex is unknown and has not yet put in an appearance.

What exactly are they celebrating – a mother’s ability to conceive or the fact that the father’s meat and two veg are in good working order?

And whatever happened to cash on delivery? Or wetting the baby’s head as it used to be called, when dads got together for a pint in honour of the fact that mum and baby were doing fine.

Without wishing to sound like a harbinger of doom, giving birth can be fraught with complications, so I can’t see the sense in celebrating it before it’s happened. For the same reason women don’t tell the joyous news of their pregnancy until the first trimester is safely under their belt.

The emphasis here is clearly on the showering with some mums setting out lists of stuff they desire like avaricious brides-to-be.

Then there’s the christening to fork out for, although the vast majority of babies, having been given a rude awakening in a church font, likely never set foot on consecrated ground again.

British society needs no excuse to paaaarty. But your average 30-something needs a permanent slush fund to pay their way through friends’ life events. Being fleeced for baby shower gifts comes in the wake of payday loans to celebrate stag/hen parties and weddings abroad.

A friend has recently costed out a six-day stag party to Las Vegas. It’s come to £1200, near enough a month’s wages for a trip he’s unlikely to remember. His attendance is non-negotiable because the high-living groom happens to be his brother.

But that’s not as bad as the wedding I attended where I had to pay for my own meal. Why get married if you can’t afford it? Silly question.

An invitation used to mean a meal and drinks at the host’s expense. I suspect some would charge at the door if they thought the friendship could survive it.