PARLIAMENT is having problems with intruders again.

But this time it’s not hunting protesters getting into the chamber of the Commons, or lesbians abseiling into the Lords Chamber – it’s an invasion of Webbing Clothes Moths.

We now have a new servant of the House with (for the Lords) the rather modern title of Director of Facilities, and he’s moved into action.

He’s just sent us an email to say that we will notice that “at the rear of each bench at both ends, there are white plastic tags hanging down from underneath the racks used for stowing papers/notes”.

These tags apparently contain a pellet “which will produce sterility amongst moths”.

He tells us that this system is being used throughout the Palace “with the intention that over a period of 1-2 years, the Palace will be rid of the moths and their larvae which damage our carpets, curtains and clothes”.

Fortunately, according to the supplier of the pellets, these pellets have no hazardous ingredients which might affect anyone nodding off on the red benches.

But “the supplier does advise that the pellets should NOT be tampered with because the pheromone is contained in the compressed wax which forms the pellet and tampering with it will release powder and a fatty, waxy odour”.

Perish the thought – if not the furniture and fittings!

But if you can’t get to sleep and are watching us on the Parliament Channel early one morning and you see some old peer inadvertently fiddling with white tags and turning his nose up at the Unlordly pong, you know why!

This follows a previous missive from Mr Woodall, the aforementioned Director of Facilities, on the matter of mice.

It’s not only moths that have invaded the greatest work of Barry and Putin, it’s also Robert Burns’ “wee, sleekit, cow’ring timorous beasties” which have got a bit above themselves.

Anyway we’ve been advised to put any clothes we keep in our rooms in sealed plastic bags to keep out the moths and not to keep any food in our desks so as not to attract the mice.

Let’s hope Mr Woodall succeeds in cleansing the Palace of these pests, though I do remember Burns’ later lines that “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men Gang aft agley!”