Have you ever wondered what happens behind the scenes when stand-up comedians get together? We hung out backstage at a popular comedy night to find the truth.

THE tabloids would have us believe that anyone who makes their living performing on stage has the right to demand backstage treats such as Kabbalah-blessed water, white scented candles and bowls of M&Ms with the blue ones removed.

Backstage at Lock 'n' Load comedy night at King George's Hall, Blackburn, on Saturday night the reality couldn't have been more different.

The night's comics, Dominic Woodward, Sam Avery, Steph Davies, Jamie Sutherland, headliner Shazia Mirza, and regular compere Ruth White, sat in a paint-chipped room not dissimilar to a sixth-form common room with a sofa, coat rack and toilet.

The only luxury was a jug of water and some cheese and onion crisps.

The five comedians didn't crack gags or jostle for the laughs as you might imagine but chatted like old mates about up-coming gigs and the night's running order.

First up was Dominic.

"Good luck," the others called as he meandered out looking as relaxed as if he was on his way to the corner shop to buy a paper.

On stage he came to life, full of big expressions, and had the audiences eating out the palm of his hand, talking about scallies and his home town of Oldham.

"I'm not gonna be like Peter Kay Oh I love my Northern town' "It's a hole! It's full of fat old women with greasy hair who breathe out more than they breathe in."

Off stage he slumped back into the dressing room and onto a sofa, complaining the lights on stage gave him a headache and one girl in the audience needed to be watched as she was getting rowdy.

The chat continued. The comics agreed the money was poor and driving to gigs all over the country three times a week was tough.

Lesbians seem to get further ahead, they said, because they don't have jealous boyfriends wondering why they're off spending another night with male comedians.

Next up were Sam and Steph, the newcomers, who got a good reception talking about lapdancers "Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch. She was the only one who'd accept coins" scallies and hating your housemates.

The rowdy drunk girl carried on causing trouble, speaking loudly on her phone during compere Ruth's turn, but was quickly dealt with by security.

There was no jealousy between comics but not that much support either.

After their set each performer sloped off home, glad to be back on the motorway before midnight.

"We've seen each other's stuff so many times we know it off by heart anyway," Sam told me.

Second to last was Jamie Sutherland, who'd driven from Wigan for the gig.

He delighted the crowd with his talk of Heaven and Hell nightclub, using the old Blackburn / Burnley rivalry to his advantage: "Heaven girls from Blackburn. Hell girls from Burnley."

Last up was Shazia Mirza, who had spent the evening on the sofa backstage wearing a fleecy wrap (which one of the audience left behind at a previous gig), barefoot and learning new material like revision notes.

And she stormed it. You got the feeling at first that the audience or at least the middle-aged white men in the audience weren't sure if they were allowed to laugh at her risque jokes about her Islamic faith.

But they soon got into it, howling at tales of having to marry your ugly cousin and other Asian stereotypes.

"You have to be careful in Asian circles. You could end up sleeping with yourself," she said.

"I'm single anyway. Asian men don't like me. Because I speak."

While the tables were cleared away to make room for the Club Tropicana dancefloor and the audience queued at the bar for another drink, the comedians were all well on their way home to bed.