WHAT with the holiday season upon us, I've discovered the latest sunbathing craze. It's the designer thong which can cost you about £90. (You can of course make your own from an old hankie and some string and then get a felt tip and put some fancy foreign name on the front.)

I tried this last year and must have outclassed everyone else because within seconds of putting it on I had the whole beach to myself.

A £4,500 tortoise which recently escaped from a house in Southampton was found four days later miles from home. Mind you, it did get a lift part of the way. In case you're wondering how a tortoise could be worth £4,500, apparently its shell has a conservatory and satellite dish.

I was in a bookshop recently and saw a copy of Nigel Lawson's diet book now at £4.99 ... so even the price has shed several pounds.

News from America is that silicone breast implants are going out of fashion...and we all know what happens to things that go out of fashion. Can you imagine what charity shops will look like in a few years time?

Julian Clary says he'd love two daughters...don't tell me, so they can both wear his hand-me-downs!

Tomorrow night I'll be at Utopia discotheque in Blackburn (formerly Peppermint Place) for another Malibu Party Night. Feel free to come down and party.

This week I have three copies of the Del Amitri CD - Some Other Suckers Parade - to be won if you can answer the simple question below.

Send the name of Del Amitri's latest single, with your name, address and daytime telephone number on a postcard to: Kev Seed's Del Amitri contest, Preston Citizen, 3 Winckley Court, Winckley Square, Preston PR1 3JJ by Friday 25 July.

Listen to Kev Seed's Breakfast Show on Rock FM every weekday morning 6-9.30am.

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.