AH, where would we be in a sodden summer, without the silly season stories that bring a little substitute sunshine into our lives - such as the one today that suggests that the British men are among the most vain and fashion-conscious in Europe?

The UK male, says a survey, is more doused in aftershave and spruced with facial washes and moisturisers than all his counterparts on the continent.

He is splashing out on expensive underwear, forking out a fortune generally on clothes and will even give serious consideration to cosmetic surgery to look even better.

Oh, really?

We observe that this survey was conducted by a whisky firm and wonder whether it gave generous free samples to coax from its respondents the answers that make up these freakish findings.

For, ladies, lift your eyes from this page and let them light on the man in your life as he occupies the armchair opposite.

Do you see the sort of proud and pretty peacock painted by this survey?

Or a paunchy figure with a five o'clock shadow gazing not at the mirror but at sport on the telly and dousing himself on the inside with lager from a can.

And, after all, who would have anything other than a real man?

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.