with NEIL YATES

SO ROY Keane, professional footballer of several years experience, has finally twigged that the average punter is ignorant.

He claims they're more interested in a champagne and prawns corporate jolly than the beautiful game.

He suggests they cannot grasp the finer points of what he and his team mates are striving to achieve.

It seems a slightly brave move to me to bite the hands that feeds a £52,000 per week salary, but clearly our Roy was sufficiently rattled.

What I find strange is that it's taken him so long to assess the footballing knowledge of Joe Public -- I for one have known for years.

Personally, it might make a pleasant change to be drenched in Vintage Krug and be a target for honey and ginger glazed molluscs. Sadly us linesmen tend to be more of a sitting duck for weak tea and a pie seriously in breach of the Trades Descriptions Act.

We still hear the comments though. "Get your flag up you fat useless git!" just as the keeper launches a goal kick. "You saw that foul, liner, aren't you joining in?!" That's in response to an incident a hundred yards from me with the ref standing over it. "Deliberate handball liner, it has to be a yellow card." All pearls of wisdom currently featuring in the Top ten of Terrace Experts Facts.

Yes you pay your money and that entitles you to moan at your team, jeer at their team, and make obscene comments about my parentage. Yes I get paid to tolerate it and I do so readily. But please, unless you've read the 2000-01 Referees Chart, please don't advertise your ignorance by telling me how to do my job.

If you feel tempted you could always fill your mouth with prawns and a glass of bubbly!