THE recent news that the mighty Manchester United have signed a deal with the New York Yankees (apparently they play a game similar to rounders, but which goes on for several weeks) will open the gates to a new era of sport.

The European Cup Champions' League thingy will be abolished for a competition which includes Man Utd and a select group of "rich" clubs, who will then play a handful of games a season. These games will all be pay-per-view and include time-outs whenever the opposition come within 25 yards of Barthez's goal.

The winner of this competition (the aforementioned Utd), will then be crowned world champions and will have the pick of any new talent in the forthcoming season, which will be known as "The Draft Choice".

Following the conquering and complete domination of earth, it is only right that the champions (United), shall then turn to interstellar travel and introduce its stars to the rest of the universe. David Beckham and the Chuckle Brothers (Nevilles) could then recreate the bar scene from Star Wars as the Klingon Empire marvels at Sir Alex Ferguson's knowledge of their language, before cranking up the dilithium crystals and venturing into the Gamma Quadrant.

MUTV and I Love NY baseball caps would be the fashion for the disconcerting alien and the thought of our extra terrestrial brothers' first contact with earth cuisine, hot dogs and Manchester United steak and kidney pies, should fill us all with hope for the future of our planet.

The affect of this "new world order" of the beautiful game, will be that football (sorry soccer) at a local level will be left to fight for the scraps.

The Shrimps of Morecambe will be left with the breadcrumb supplier to Captain Big Eye Scampi and the Dollie Blue's of Lancaster will team up with Mavis Doll Repairs of Scotforth.

Admittedly football is big business and clubs have got to generate capital to survive, but if we start taking away the kinship the game has to the common man, then we take away the very heart and soul of our national game.