MY political career seems to have got off to a juddering start with the Second Child Party being thoroughly ignored by the good folk of East Lancashire.

There is a great deal of irony that a party dedicated to fighting the needs of the overlooked - ie the Second Child - is itself being overlooked but, rather like the political heavyweights, I am determined to abolish the apathy.

To this ends then I am prepared to move the goalposts.

The initial proposals were to boost the rights of all second children thus reversing the attitude that coming second is OK but no cigar. Being first has always been important.

The main battle was against the fabled First Born. That bastion of all that is great and good in the world. The one that learns to walk first and talk first.

No matter what the Second Child does they have been beaten to it and the gushing praise that greeted the First Born's achievements is heavily diluted to a "that's nice."

It is a war borne from experience as a Second Child myself but listening to gripes from colleagues about siblings, it's not just Second Children that complain of being the forgotten ones.

Anybody that was unlucky enough not to be born first feels the same, regardless where they come in the pecking order. One of my sporty colleagues has great empathy to being overlooked in her family and she is one of about 100. Rumours that she lives in a shoe were unconfirmed as Just Jamie went to press.

If we all join forces the First Born could be brought down more than a peg or two. And in a desperate attempt to gain votes I declare that we go after the worst type of person. The Only Child. The Only Child is far worst than the First Born. Whereas the the latter is content just leading the band of children which, by default, it heads, the Only Child feels it has a point to prove with everyone. Think of Dennis the Menace from the Beano but a lot worse.

It pains me to say this as my best pal is a dreaded Only Child but it needs saying.

Fred the Dread - he's not really called Fred but he does have dreads (as in dreadlocks) - epitomises all that is wrong with children without a sibling playmate.

Throughout our formative years Fred (he wasn't known as that then but I don't want to confuse matters) had the best toys, the best BMX, the best everything. His lack of brother and sister was more than made up by lavish gifts showered on him by his guilty parents.

As we got older the trend continued but such an upbringing has its flaws which the rest of us must suffer. They get used to having their own way and expect the fussing they get from their parents to be extended to everyone else.

Fred the Dread is a regular visitor to the One Bedroomed Flat as he still lives at home (naturally) yet yearns for his own space. Crashing at mine most weekend is far cheaper than moving out regardless of any tension it may create.

Many a time the Long Suffering Marjorie has tripped over Fred the Dread as she goes for her Coco Pops in the morning. And my once-blue carpet now has a red tint due to all the wine he has spilled and failed to clean-up. The different stains make it look like a map of the world and only recently he kindly added Africa by virtue of a glass of Claret.

I'm sure you have experiences of your own and we need to stamp this out. I propose to pair an Only Child with another Only Child making them siblings up until the age of 21.

Responsibility can be shared by both sets of parents on a one-week-on one-week-off basis. Parents get a break, Only Children get a playmate and the rest of the world gets a cleaner carpet.

Hopeless cases like Fred the Dread, who at 27, is too old for such a scheme, should be shipped off to an island and filmed for one of these reality-programmes.

Harsh but fair but if you agree use your vote wisely and join the SCP today!