KEN DODD is discumknockerated to be coming to Blackburn's, King George's Hall with his famous 'Happiness Show', though he reckons it should be re-named a belated Happy New Year Show!

"You've got to come just to recover from all those Christmas and New Year hangovers, missus," he says. "Too much turkey, sage and onion stuffing and all those tots of sherry have probably shrivelled up every chuckle-muscle in Blackburn. It's time to exercise them by coming to my show, because we guarantee laughter and lots of happiness!

"Did you know that Professor Titteroski of Knotty Ash University has been looking into laughter and has discovered that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in big trouble!

"He's also of the opinion that laughter is the perfect tonic, so I want the good folk of Blackburn to come and 'escape' all their stress and worry for a couple of hours (at least!).

"I will be dispensing liberal doses of tickle-tonic with a variety show that is tailor-made for the whole family." Doddy's shows sell out very quickly and come with a guarantee that he won't let you out of the theatre again until you're laughing your head of!!

"It's true, missus!" he says with a flourish of his famous tickling stick. "When people come to my shows, they are actually in them! They have to be. We lock all the doors!!

"I have been coming to Blackburn for more years than I care to remember, and I do so for a number of reasons: First and foremost it is a beautiful town. Secondly, the theatre is a truly wonderful venue, and thirdly the local people are probably the warmest and friendliest in the country.

"Did you know that I can tell a joke in Blackburn and get a huge laugh, yet it won't raise a titter in Blackpool?

"They can't hear it!" So how does Doddy spend his leisure time. Does he even take time off from his hectic, non-stop schedule?

"I'm spending a traditional Christmas and New Year at home in Knotty Ash", he adds. "We've closed the jam-butty mines, black pudding plantations and broken-biscuit repair works, and the Diddymen joined me for roast turkey and all the trimmings. "Every year I make absolutely certain that I have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, followed by New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. These are special dates in the year which everyone: mums, dads, children, aunts, uncles, grans and diddy grand-dads should enjoy".

Does he have a favourite Xmas memory?

"Oh, I have lots of them! But I suppose the best are always from childhood. Mum and dad loved the theatre and they would take me, my brother Billy and sister June to lots of shows, including pantomimes. That's when I became stage-struck or struck by the stage. I'll never forget the year that they bought me my own ventriloquist's doll. It was magical! I christened him 'Charlie Brown', learned how to throw my voice and started doing impromptu shows for my pals.

"Is it any wonder that I entered show business?"

But surely he must be feeling the effects of all the constant touring (he clocks up 100,000 miles every year dispensing his tickle-tonic)? Doesn't he ever think about hanging up his famous tickling stick and taking things easy?

It is not a question that sits easily with one of the funniest comedians that this country has ever produced. In fact, he's quite nonplussed at the very thought of it:

"Retirement, missus? How dare you! I've never even thought about it! Why should I when I love every second of doing my job?

"Anyway, it's not really a job. I've been doing it for nearly 50 years now, but it's more of a hobby, because I love it so much. I'm very lucky to be doing what I want to do - and being paid for it at the same time!

"Retirement is not an option. My grand giggle-tour of the British Isles will continue for as long as I enjoy getting up on stage and making people laugh. The minute I start dreading it - which is not very likely - then I will pack it all in and potter around the garden, or join The Diddymen in the jam-butty mines and snuff quarries of Knotty Ash. "There have been lots of changes in Blackburn over the years, but audiences still come to the theatre wanting one thing - to be entertained. They want to have a good laugh and forget their cares and worries for a couple of hours (at the very least!).

"They come to my shows in search of happiness and that's what I try to give them with a show that is aimed at all the family. Age is no barrier: young, old, male, female. They all want the one thing I've already mentioned. A good old-fashioned laugh.

"When I go on stage I am talking to people as individuals, not one great mass. You have to relate to every single person in an audience. You play them like you would play a violin or a piano. Collectively an audience is big and challenging, but you must never lose sight of the fact that it is made up of individuals.

"It's like having a big, warm, loveable dog in front of you. If you treat it nicely it'll lick you and love you - but if you make one false move it'll have your leg off!

"I never get tired of entertaining and making people laugh. I think I've only had one day off in my entire career - and that was for suspected pneumonia. I was back on stage the next night with a mustard patch on my chest. The doctor insisted that I wore it, but all the stage hands kept rubbing their ham sandwiches on it, so it had to go!!

"I love playing venues like the King George's Hall because people come to the live theatre to be entertained and not insulted. To laugh out loud and not be embarrassed. It's not like watching me on TV. You can't switch me off!"

Ken Dodd will be Blackburn's, King George's Hall on Sunday, January 20.