I AM writing to you after reading a letter in Dear Massi (Feb 2002). It is one that is very similar to the kind of problem I have, but in my case it is nearly a year since I have known this man.

I have been honest with him and to some extent I think he has also been honest. We have even talked to each other on the phone and I have written to him a couple of times as well. He lives in Texas, USA and I in the UK. I am 21 now and he will soon be 24.

We met when I was 20. We know quite a lot about each other and both are ambitious and lead successful independent lives. Nowadays we have shortened our contact to just an odd e-mail now and then and we don't talk on anymore as I don't go online as much as I used to.

We have a relationship of friendship between us, but I don't know why I am getting strong feelings towards him. Although I have asked myself do I love him - I have thought it was just as a friend.

I can tell him almost every aspect of my life and we regularly keep up to date on what we are up to. I have also told him to find a nice man for me who I can marry. So how can I love him?

We discuss all kinds of topics when we get to talk and share our experiences. For a couple of months now when I am asleep I wake up and just say his name. That is strange for me because I have a lot of male friends. It does not happen in their case but why his?

Even when I pray to Allah and close my eyes and tell him to show me the one who is made for me, I see him.

When I gain or lose anything, I just say in my heart his name. I have told him that and he says 'no wonder I hear someone calling me' and I said you are taking it as a joke.

He says don't break my heart because I am awfully mean to him sometimes but he forgives me. Most of all he taught me how to smile from the heart and I really love him for that.

He helped me at a time when I was emotionally shattered. And since we are best friends I never want to lose him by saying something silly, like I have fallen in love with you, even if I have because each time I read his e-mails or talk to him I get this strange feeling inside me which has never happened to me before.

I could never say this to him that's for sure, anything else, yeah I could, but not that. And we are going to meet one day, where and when is unknown, as he says, leave it to destiny, so that's left to destiny.

I can't tell anyone in my family about him because if I do, at first they won't believe me, if they do they will get me married off which I don't want. Please help me.

Now that I have less contact with him I remember him more and I miss him. I say to myself he may not be the person he says he is, he could be a cheat, but somewhere in the corner of my heart I keep telling myself don't kid yourself he is the one for you.

When I went to Pakistan he gave me a phone number of his aunt and I rang her as well. I just talk about him to my best friend. She says will I ever meet him, I say when I have the money I will go.

But I don't know, why would I go to the States just for him, odd isn't it?

Lost, Bury

Massi says,

It seems you are more than just infatuated with this person.

But like you say in your letter he could well be a cheat who may not be the person he says he is. But having had so much contact with him you obviously feel he isn't and would find it hard to believe if the worst turned into reality.

Do you know what he looks like? Do you know if he is married? Do you know if he really is 24 years old? The reason I ask these questions is because it is very easy to make things up via e-mails and letters.

It would then be very foolish to get on the plane and travel to the US only to find out he is not the person you thought he is. If you do decide to ever meet why not suggest he comes to the UK.

But only you know deep down if this is the one for you. If you feel so strongly towards him I suggest you ask him in an 'indirect way' about how he feels about you. This way you can find out what he feels about you if you don't want to lose him as a friend.

He may even be feeling the same way about you. You won't know and if it is plaguing your mind so much you need to ask him otherwise it may be too late.

Good luck, be brave and let me know what happens.