DEAR Massi, I am an 28 year-old woman and have been looking to get married for some time now.

Although my family has introduced me to many prospective husbands I have turned them all down. As I earn a lot more than most guys I meet, I think they feel a bit awkward about it. It has come out in more than two or three of the coversations I have had with some of them and I am starting to think there isn't the right guy out there for me.

The money issue always comes out and I think guys feel they should always earn more than the woman. I try my best to avoid the question when I am asked but it makes it seem I am hiding something.

It's the same when it comes to the issue of 'working after marriage'. I have achieved a lot in my career so far and I am not going to throw it away when I get married. I want to continue working after then. I have noticed my parents understand it more than many guys do. Some of my friends also in the same boat and without sounding desperate - where have all the good guys gone?

I do have a set criteria about what I want in a man. Maybe I'm setting my sights too high? I don't ask for much and although I want the same things as most women who are looking for prospective husbands I just feel guys in our community don't understand how we feel. Sometimes it gets me down.

I am not into going out with guys because I feel I will only marry someone my parents choose. I trust their judgement.

J K

Blackburn

Massi Says,

First of all there is nothing wrong with you earning more than your prospective husband. And you're right some men do get put off by it, basically because it tends to give you more power. Some men don't like that.

But you shouldn't generalise. Not all men are the same. Just because you've had some bad expecriences in the past that shouldn't put you off in finding the right person. He's out there somewhere and it is so refreshing to hear from someone who respects their parents wishes and is not afraid to say it out loud.

It is very hard for a person to forget their past experiences when they are introduced to a new person. But that is what you need to do. Otherwise it is very easy to go through life being cynical about other people's intentions.