AFTER succumbing to the best worst thing ever invented -- the mobile phone -- I was left jumping up and down in fury this week.

After years of resistance, last Christmas I bought the thing from a colleague who wanted a new, super dooper, miniature, all singing, all dancing one (actually, Les, I wanted to get rid of the cissy blue thing I sold you! -BG). But it was only so that I could keep it for emergencies.

I set up a £10 credit and kept the battery boosted just in case.

I never had reason to make a call until last week, when I pulled it out of my bag -- and it wouldn't let me!

Instead the phone spoke to me, telling me I needed a £5 top up before I could use it.

I wanted to know why, but could I speak to a human being? No I could not. It was press this and press that.

When days later I eventually found the Vodaphone customer services number I was informed that I couldn't make the call because I hadn't used the phone in 180 days. So what? It's supposed to be a pay as you go, and I hadn't been enlightened about such limitations.

I was told if I'd just made a quick unnecessary call in that period everything would have been OK. How ridiculous.

Well I now have £14.97 worth of calls on my phone. As long as I remember to mither someone for a few seconds every six months that should last me a lifetime!