LAST night we had women undressing women, women patting each others bottoms and women handllng bosoms -- no not Tipping the Velvet, but BBC2's What Not To Wear.

Self-appointed style gurus Trinny and Susannah laid into their latest victim with all the enthusiasm of two public school games mistresses forcing shivering 11-year-olds to play hockey in the snow.

If there is a more frightful double act on the small screen I'd be amazed.

There's Trinny (how can you take anyone called Trinny seriously?) who you think could afford to wear a bra and Susannah who clearly wears two bras.

Continuing the bossy women theme, drawling American Dawna Walter forced a compulsive collector to get his act together in Life Laundry. This man didn't need a TV crew in his life, he needed therapy.

As they filled a 17 ton lorry with all his junk (soda syphons were a particular favourite) you could sense the poor man collapsing before our eyes.

After the hype Tipping the Velvet began -- a Good Old Days with nudity. Perhaps the Beeb was hoping that we'd overlook the lack of plot if they put in some sex scenes. It worked for me!