IT'S spring and the warm, sunny days are here - but so are the early 'boomers' of summer.

This is the name I give to people who play their music so loudly that the boob-boom bass notes can be heard over a wide area, even through solid walls, double glazing and ear plugs.

These utterly selfish people are saying 'I want to hear my music and you've all got to listen to it too'. They fall into three main categories -

Usually female, this boomer opens all the windows and doors, puts the music on full volume and goes into the garden to sunbathe, often for hours at a time.

No matter what the job, the workman boomer cannot function without ever-blasting music which has to be louder than any machinery he may be using

The baseball cap wearing boy racer boomer is mercifully mostly a moving menace. But when he stops his car at traffic lights etc the vibrations from his music are enough to set off burglar alarms.

These people are the same type who buy a large dog, take it for walks off the lead and never, ever clean up after it.

They throw take-away wrappers out of car windows and spit chewing gum onto the pavements, encourage their children to pick bunches of flowers from council displays and love their own cars but find it funny when their kids vandalise other people's.

So this summer I invite you to play 'Spot the Moronic Boomer' with me. Pause outside their houses and snigger at them.

You see, unlike vandals who disappear before they can be identified, Boomers are so stupid they draw attention to themselves. We all know exactly who they are, where they are and what they are.

Brutus (name and address supplied).