TWO headlamps aren't good enough for you eh? You need four to blind all oncoming drivers.

Not that I would want to spoil your fun but what is point of having four headlights?

It's not as if other people get impressed by it and do four really do better a job than two?

Maybe I'm getting old but does that blue thing on the bonnet really make the car look like the one in knightrider or is it just a gimmick some clever salesman managed to offload on you.

And how come there's speedbumps, cameras AND traffic calming junctions on Whalley Range? What's next, a man standing in the middle of the road with a sign saying 'TAKE IT EASY!'.

Back to more pressing matters. Whilst wondering aimlessly through the town centre I have noticed many people like myself who have no intention of buying anything but still can't help themselves walking around like zombies, in the hope they might find something new. It seems we all get swept into the consumer frenzy which greets us this time of year.

For five weeks of the year everyone goes mental. And I am sad to say the big companies are taking the 'Ziggy' out of all of us. Xmas this and Xmas that...and it's only December 12. I might not celebrate Christmas but even I can't help going to see to what Christmas specials are on offer.

The lights, the decorations, it's all too enticing. It's a consumer Christmas and we're all invited. But nowadays I don't feel the Christmas spirit so much any more and maybe they shouldn't slap a Coke logo on Santa's bundh. The fun has gone and the TV line-up isn't as good as it used to be.

I even had a 'friend' of mine say recently he's going away this Christmas so he doesn't have to give the binmen their Christmas bonus. That is sad. Bin men are the probably the politest and coolest people you will ever meet. As are postmen...no I think that would be going to far. No, I take that back, its the lawyers that get on my nerves.

I used to get carol singers round my house. Where have they all gone?

Where's Santa gone from the town centre? Why does nobody walk anywhere any more? Whatever happened to the Little and Large Christmas special? How come I don't get any Christmas cards or for that matter Eid cards?

And then when the sales come around I have to get up at five in the morning and find a way to sneak into the shopping centre. I'm telling you, that Next queue is getting longer every year...