Do you fit the bill for this award-winning role?

The Stepford Wives is back. I haven't seen the remake, but I know the original film well.

We may be loathe to admit it, but it's a bloke's dream. Glammed-up wife greets you at the door as you return from work, house pristine, dinner on the table, your every wish granted -- including those in the bedroom.

Pity we're not like that in East Lancashire. At least I haven't come across anyone who is.

I fancy there's enough material for a spin-off movie - 'East Lancs Wives', about the everyday lives of women who inhabit this area and how they behave towards their menfolk.

I will need some willing participants to star in it, and to make sure the right people apply I have drawn up the following questionnaire. It's easy, it's multiple choice, so go on, fill it in...

Its Friday night and you're doing the usual thing. Do you:

a. Get the kids to bed early, cook a fabulous meal for your husband and serve it up on a beautifully-laid candlelit table?

b. Order a take-away for yourself and your husband and collapse in front of the telly to eat it?

c. Spend ages getting dolled up and - leaving your husband at home to heat a microwave meal-for-one - head off for a night on the town with the girls (the bulk of which is spent slagging off your other half)?

You're planning an afternoon shopping and you know your husband desperately wants to watch a Big Match on TV. Do you:

a. Tell him that you don't mind shopping without him, usher him to the nearest armchair and hand him a can of lager?

b. Join him by staying at home and getting on with the ironing while he watches the match?

c. Insist that he comes to the shops and don't bat so much as an eyelid when he is forced to wait miserably outside 19 sets of changing rooms while you find the right pair of jeans?

Your husband has just started a new job and has invited the boss and his wife to your house for a meal. Do you:

a. Take pains to find out what they both like, then pull out all the stops and spend hours at the supermarket picking the freshest-looking ingredients before spending just as many hours cooking a fantastic meal?

b. Buy a few bits and pieces and throw together a buffet so everyone can help themselves and eat as much as they want?

c. Ring your husband at work and ask him -- in the manner of a prison governor -- to stop at Pizzahut on his way home and pick up four large pepperonis?

Your husband buys you some sexy lingerie for your birthday. Do you:

a. Show him how thrilled you are by immediately putting it on and lying provocatively on the sofa.

b. Thank him and tell him that you are putting it away in a drawer to be worn on special occasions (knowing full well that it will never see the light of day)?

c. Laugh raucously and tell him that you hope he kept the receipt?

If you answered:

Mostly As: Sorry, you are far more suited to life as a Stepford wife and would stick out like a sore thumb in the movie.

Mostly Bs: Sadly, you are torn between living as you would like to live and pleasing your man so you would not settle well into this role.

Mostly Cs: Fantastic -- you have your man firmly under control. You're perfect. When can you start?