Is there anybody out there?

Demoralising, degrading, similar to a cattle market." They are not my words but those of someone who found herself in a meeting intended to help her find a husband.

In my quest to discover the dilemma facing Asian females I contacted three single ladies all of who were forthcoming and candid on their lives. (Names have been changed to protect their identities).

Teenagers may wish to turn the page as this subject is one that touches the thirty and forty something female, not yourselves as from what I hear you will have rishtay (marriage proposals) coming out of your ears.

No, I write of the Asian female who finds herself without a partner. This could be due to a number of reasons, she may be a divorcee, or a female who took the path of finding herself (wherever that may be) and concentrated on a career path.

She may not have been ready in the past but now having achieved her goal it is time for the next chapter 'commitment'.

The dating game is one that depends entirely on an individual's experience. From the description from the top of the page to one woman saying, "I love it, I have gained so much in confidence."

For the sake of peace I'll begin with Sofiya.

She speaks of girls 'wanting it all' true but everything has a price. The feminists who screamed out for equality and women's rights now walk up to a closed door expecting the man to hold it open, or am I wrong in saying that? Have we cut off our nose so to speak?

Why is it that no one bats an eyelid when an unmarried man celebrates his forty second birthday yet a female is expected to be in mourning, or hiding away for fear of the people who talk too much!

Parents have a key role to play when daughters are eighteen to twenty six but then silence prevails. As with an aging racehorse interest dies down and the fountain of proposals begins to dry.

Another friend, a Hijab wearer (Hamida) is a divorcee with a young son and her criteria and reasons for finding a partner are unique.

She did not avoid the matrimonial path in the pursuit of a career however and was the victim of tragic events none of which were her doing. She laughs, "I am shocked that on the single's events the good looking, fashionable girls are bypassed and the men all want to come and speak to me."

My third friend Gee is forty and has a grown up son of nineteen. She says, "I found the event a complete waste of time. The men were only after one thing, I'd never go to another one'.

How about that dreaded thing called THE INTERNET.

Hamida says,"I am loving it. I've been surfing four or five matrimonial sites for the past two and a half months.

"I have gained so many contacts it just makes you feel normal that there are other people out there in the same situation as yourself. It's the best thing I've ever done." You would be shocked how many people are on the website that are local to you. It is becoming more and more acceptable; I am getting three or four replies a day!!"

Gee was on the Internet for six months and met up with two individuals both of which were disaster.

Both Hamida and Sofiya say 'it started as a laugh and a bit of curiosity'.

Career is something that has thrived in single Asian females as matrimony has been put onto the back burner these ladies can fend for themselves.

Sofiya was shocked as to the many professional females who were at the singles events, "It's really tragic to see". So why have these sought after ladies not been snapped up?

Do they pose a threat to 'Average Abdul' as they are worldly wise, opinionated and feisty?

Rumour has it the equation goes the more tradional she is the less of a hazard she will be!

One thing all have in common is the quest for a friend who will through time become a companion.

Sofiya says, "It is not financial dependency or escapism I am doing this for, everything else is fulfilled I am now looking for a companion, I feel there is a void that need's to be filled."

As for criteria, Hamida is quiet particular in what she is looking for 'A Gujarati speaking South Indian'. Where as Gee a Sikh herself says, "Any Asian as long as they share the same concept, values and culture, religion is a very personal thing. I am not bothered about religion or colour. However she also goes on to say "I've already done forty years on my own there are only forty more to go!"

Sofiya on the other hand feels that the bottom line for her is that he is a Muslim, as she wants her children brought up following her faith.

I ask you not to pass judgement on these females who are taking matters into their own hands where their parents have not given up as such but find themselves at a loss as to what to do.

The cancellation of the singles event at Blackburn due to complaints by the religious fraternity begs the question; so what exactly are these ladies meant to do?

I say we should salute them for taking the initiative of consciously making an effort to find a marriage partner.

I don't have the answer but I wish I did. I do have a message for the ladies out there when you sit alone in your bedroom at night feeling defeated with the question in your heart 'Is there anybody out there?' The answer is yes, don't lose faith you just have not found him yet.