DEAR MASSI, My sister recently found out that her husband had been having an affair.

She is very upset and she immediately left her house and brought the children to stay with me. She is determined to get a divorce and has already spoken to a solicitor.

However, I'm concerned that she is rushing things a bit. Her husband has called several times wanting to talk to her but she won't listen to him. He has told me that he regrets what he did and that he has never done this before. He has also promised that he will never do it again. He sounds sincere to me and, as I have experience of coming to terms with an affair, should I try to talk her out of a divorce?

What do you think?

T H Blackburn

MASSI SAYS,

Your sister may be rushing things but I not sure that your experiences will have any bearing on her situation. I also think you need to careful about seeming to take sides in this situation. Your sister needs all the support she can get at the moment and if you start to argue her husband's case you risk driving her away.

I agree that any decision to separate needs to be taken calmly and thoughtfully, especially when children are involved. However, I also think that any advice given should be impartial.

So if you want to help, encourage your sister to talk to a Relate counsellor (number in your phone book). This way, whether she stays or leaves, she'll have reached her own decision and in her own good time.