IF Stallone's mum can be classed as a celebrity then there's hope for me yet. I am not a fan of Big Brother as I think the show has had its time.

It lasted an hour when Nasty Nick did what anybody else in their right mind would do in the same situation.

If having to put up with the show during the summer wasn't enough they are forcing me to watch it throughout the winter months now. And there is more to come.

To put it simply - it's just not fair.

There are those who would say I can easily switch over and watch something else. Yes I could.

But my remote control is broken and the TV is too far away.

There is a tendency now to roll out the worst of the worst and put them in reality shows.

From nobodies who were uninteresting in the first place to those who are uninteresting after years of being on the box.

I thought this was a fad and I would wake up one day and find my TV had just been in a mood and wanted to be my best friend again.

It doesn't - not yet anyway. It wants to bore the living daylights out of me. It wants to punish me for all the bad deeds I have ever committed in the name of freedom and democracy.

It wants to prove to me that I am a worthless, talentless, sad excuse for a man who is less interesting than Jade Goody.

She got to feature in the Big Brother Panto - did I?

It hates me and wants rid of me. Me and my TV go back a long way. It gave me Danger Mouse, Mr T and Bagpuss.

But it seems old friends count for nothing these days. We are tossed aside like unwanted Shalwar Kameez suits and blue slip-ons.

I would have proposed to it years ago, tied the knot and lived happily ever after.

But not now. I will never forgive it for the hurt it has caused me. Never!

Not unless it apologises and promises never to put me through such pain again.

And for those still hoping to find WMDs in Iraq, let me explain some simple things to you.

There aren't any - there never were but there are now - our own.

It is a pity then that it took over 100,000 civilian and military deaths to find this out. It is shame that despite overwhelming evidence my government still clings to the hope they might find some unexploded chemical bomb somewhere and thus justify the killing of another innocent human being.

Look, it ain't happening.

It was all an elaborate scam set up by some higher powers to make sure they had a foothold in the Middle East.