I'M SURE they do it on purpose you know.

Root out the biggest numpties they can find - with bulging bank balances of course - and then encourage them to dream up the most ridiculous list of must-haves they can think of.

Last night's Location Location Location was even worse than usual because Steve and Dee, from Essex (who thanks to a successful internet business had a cool million to spend on a home) were even more ridiculous than the usual couples who appear on the show.

The word fussy doesn't cover it.

Steve not only wanted a palace fit for a queen - he also wanted a garden fit for a . . . I'm not even sure what the one in his imagination was fit for.

"Maybe somewhere with some hedges that have been shaped like squirrels," he suggested.

Oh right - I'm sure there's hundreds of them knocking around on the market at this precise moment, at your price range, and in your ideal area.

Phil and Kirstie (who has the ability to turn most men into jelly) continued their flirtation, dipping their biscuits into each other's flasks.

They should forget the finding houses bit and just concentrate on the flirtation between the two presenters.

That's the bit everyone likes the best anyway.