The word ‘Bomy’ must either bring out fear and dread in some people, or a sense of sheer joy in others.

With bonfire night this weekend I must share some thoughts about how the whole period has changed.

I went to buy some fireworks the other day and it confused the hell out of me.

In the beginning there were two types of fireworks.

Those that went bang, and those that didn’t.

Nowadays if you don’t bring home something that is close to a small nuclear explosion you just don’t get taken seriously.

I have thus got to that age where I think fireworks are a big waste of money, invented by the powers that be to make us important just for one day.

Well, what is the point? Spending your hard-earned money on this stuff is futile.

In contrast, building a big fire still has that allure to it.

The problem is I’m not entirely sure you can do that any more.

When I was kid I used to build a bonfire in my back yard, or on some derelict land.

There was no real issue with me building a bonfire and I must say I kind of became an expert at it, but I’m not sure I should be boasting about that.

On the whole I think I was doing my bit for the environment by getting rid of old mattresses and settees.

Along with my friends, we would spend weeks gathering all the neighbourhood’s junk.

I must say I made a pretty mean Guy Fawkes too, complete with hat and shalwar kameez.

We would then spend a whole day building it, and waiting for sunset before we set the whole thing on fire.

Okay. It wasn’t the safest thing to do, but it gave us something to do for a few days.

And I have to say the biggest disappointment was when some selfish so and so decided to torch our ‘bomy’ the day before bonfire night.

That guy is still on my revenge list.