MOST women think that men do nothing during pregnancy.

Now, on the whole, I agree with this, but then a part of me kind of finds this insulting.

Men do a hell of a lot during pregnancy, apart from carrying the baby around and giving birth.

Tell this to anyone and they think you are bonkers.

Generally, men are supposed to remain quiet during the pregnancy period in case they say something offensive.

I have tiptoed around a fair few subjects over the past few weeks and, with only days to go now, I think I have picked up some great pointers for those in a similar situation.

If your woman says anything about her weight during pregnancy, you are never ever allowed to say she could do with losing a few pounds.

I have a friend who decided to tell his wife just that. It was the last mistake he made. I haven’t seen him since.

No, seriously, I haven’t seen him at all. He just vanished without a trace. Some say he is buried in the back yard with some dumbbells.

I would like to point out that, generally, my other half tends to want to continue and not make too much of a fuss.

Much like the old days, I guess, when the women were made of steel and managed to give birth and be back working in the factory for 2pm.

Well, that is what someone told me. I’m not entirely sure if they were making it up.

I also think there is a reason why men don’t have to do as much through this as we are not very good at multi-tasking.

I find it difficult to concentrate on one thing while doing another.

And what do men do during pregnancy?

Well, there is the matter of… and the… what about the… Okay, we don’t do anything during the pregnancy period, apart from keep our mouths shut.

That’s an accomplishment in itself I think.

A big thank-you this week goes to the Mothers and Others Group, based at Cambridge Street Methodist Church, who invited me to do a talk about life, and things, at its bi-weekly meeting.

The cup of tea and biscuits were wonderful, the question-and- answer session even more so.