DO you wash your chicken? I’ve never washed a chicken in my life. Nor did my Mum.

I’d never even heard that you should wash your chicken, not once.

Now, I’m in a state of nerves about washing my chicken.

Until midnight this Monday, I should have been washing my chicken.

For years, I’ve been risking the health of my children, family and friends, by not washing my chicken.

Until 6.30am this Monday (when I heard about this on the radio) I didn’t even know I should have been washing my chicken.

So I’ve got decades of accumulated guilt to deal with. I’ve cooked thousands of chickens, and not washed one. Think of all the risk I had been taking.

But pile on to this agenda for therapy, the announcement on Monday that in future no one should wash their chicken, because if they do they’ll now get all the bugs and illnesses they would have got before the announcement from not washing their chicken, and you can see why my nerves are in shreds.

Nor have I made this up (at least, not most of it).

The Food Standards Agency solemnly announced at midnight on Monday that washing your chicken could easily spread infection from the “campylobacter” bug – a bug that can cause some really serious conditions.

To check whether I was the odd person out, I did a scientific survey of the four staff in my Blackburn office.

Pat, and Mumtaz have always washed their chickens.

Pat says that so did her Mum, and her Nana – “and I’m going to carry on the tradition”.

Mumtaz also quoted her Mum, and a food hygiene course a relative had been on.

Damian is one of those blokes who thinks that all food arrives on his plate as a result of divine intervention, so he doesn’t count.

Then there’s Annette, who, like me, should have been in the naughty corner for years.

She’s never washed her chicken.

At last, we’re the goody-goodies.

Until, that is, the advice changes again.