I've never watched an episode of Friends, Neighbours or The Simpsons. I cannot stand those Saturday night "talent" shows, the dancing one, or skating, is there a diving one & one about skiing?

I've never watched a Big Brother or that Jungle one. And there's one about Essex, for some reason.

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Let me qualify. I've tried, I'd better admit to that. But my trial & it feels like one, doesn't last very long. My concentration lapses, my mind wanders & I drift away. The remote control, we call ours "the telly box" by the way, not plonker or doofer, self selects something else.

And then there's Jeremy Kyle! Please tell me why? Mr Kyle has presumably made a fortune from exposing & probing others' grief. Why would you go on that show, I can only presume for a few quid?

Why would you go in the audience?

Those too heavy to throw chairs, the poor dental hygiene, the bizarreness of the "case studies", the thinly disguised bouncers, the back stage stuff & that social worker guy. I think I've last five minutes, seven max.

And is there really a TV programme showing people watching their TV?

The BBC's first DG, Lord Reith enshrined the role of public broadcasting in the 20s as to inform, educate & entertain. We're nearly a hundred years on from there, are those ideals intact, adapted or in tatters.

I'm no purist. After waking up to a bit of Radio 5, I try to catch a bit of BBC Breakfast, I can't stand what ITV serves up. Then it's our local Telegraph & the i compact. I'd better cough to Homes under the Hammer addiction. I love the randomness & creativity of the winning bidders, that probably stretches to envy, if I'm honest.

Soaps? Emmerdale, for some reason & Coronation Street through force of habit, I guess.

The relatively new emergence of easy access "catch up" (we call it ketchup!) TV has actually helped. We've just got through a stacked up series by Brian Cox about the Universe. We have some boxed sets too. West Wing & Game of Thrones come to mind.

I've now rediscovered the off button. It quite easy. As a child it was always engaged when guests called in. That seems a quaintly out of date pleasantry. We mute the sound, I think, but I have visited places where the TV is king!

Do you have "odd" TV rituals? Are there favourite programmes, you'd be shy to admit enjoying? Why? It's all done in private.

What's the most crass bit of TV?