HE looks. He stares. He leers. He salivates. And then he grunts, “You vaant to see my gosht? I give you good discont.’ He is the female shopper’s biggest dread. The pervert.

He is the reason why women go shopping with an oversized chaadar in tow.

He hums ‘Kabhi Kabhi’ under his breath as she walks past. He ‘accidentally’ brushes past her as she shops in the narrow aisles.

He is the ever helpful salesman. “Nuts are good for you sister,” he offers whilst excavating his nostrils.

He is the man with the unruly nara who will benevolently ask her if she wants assistance with filling her boot with loaded goods or a ride home. The kinder ones will even follow her in the car.

He is the master of social genocide. “How many roze are you keeping sister, because you know you can’t keep them all?”

The desi equivalent of erotic banter. He is the man who won’t lock the door when he goes to the bathroom at other peoples houses.

Wedding functions are his haven where he can shamelessly takes photos of women on his phone while he calls them “meri behen.”

The pervert has now become tech savvy. He sends lurid messages on the thrill that is Facebook. The invisible stalker who tells random women they are his dream come true. The human compost heap who clings onto fragments of jawani by thinking he’ll score by propositioning women casually.

He even finds opportunity in the most obscure places such as traffic lights. He believes his unmoving car renders him invisible as he stares for those valuable 90 seconds. He may even be thoughtful enough to toot his horn in approval.

This is the man in the depth of middle age whose favourite TV viewing entails Bollywood item numbers.

He thinks he is being desirably saucy as he accompanies his wife as she shops for undergarments.

He’s the decaying man so confident in his masculinity and virility that he starts to contemplate exercising his right to a 19 year old second wife.

Recently, in Australia a case concluded that touching a woman’s bottom does not constitute ‘harassment.’ Now there’s your certified pervert.