We all tell our children it is wrong to lie. But after a couple of years of marriage it becomes difficult to make up excuses for stuff.
Why is a man's excuse for not being able to do anything classed as a lie by a woman?
In the beginning it was pretty tough as she knew I was lying through my teeth.
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But like all good things the male lie soon develops and becomes more professional as time goes on.
There are those who say a husband and wife should never lie to one another. Those people we call single people.
Now, we are not talking major ground-breaking lies here.
Just enough to get you through life in a small northern town with lots of building work going on.
I thought I had mastered the art of the perfect excuse for going to a game of football instead of shopping but recently I learned that there is whole new breed of liars in our midst.
A friend of mine just last week said he was going to work and thus could not possibly go clothes shopping with his wife.
Believing she had left the house he returned within twenty minutes to pick up his football boots. Surprisingly, she had not gone anywhere.
Now, most people would admit their mistake and get on with it but when a game of football is at stake things are not so simple.
"What are you doing here?'
"I forgot something.' he replied
"What?'
"I just need to get changed as I don't feel comfortable in these clothes..."
"So what are you changing into?"
"Tracksuit bottoms".
Predictably this didn't work as he had no excuse for needing shinpads at work.
But it didn't stop there. Days later, and for the fifth game of football in a week, a major 'excuse' was required.
This time, being the decent chap, he decided to ask for some advice from a master of the trade.
"I'm afraid you are going to have to do something you never did before. You are going to have to tell the truth."
"The truth?" he remarked.
"Yes, because there is no way in hell she is going to believe that you have another game of football."
This remarkably worked in the short-term as it turned out the biggest lie of all was the truth itself.
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