WOULDN'T it be wonderful if the problem of drunkenness, violence and abusive behaviour could be solved by something as basic as a slice of bread?
According to Blackburn's police licensing officer the simple act of giving people pieces of toast as they leave the town's Liquid and Envy nightclub has resulted in less disorder after chucking-out time.
"People don't want to fight because they don't want to drop their toast. It also means they just get straight in the taxis outside and head home rather than hanging about", he said.
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This could catch on.
If football club backroom staff spent 90 minutes on match days browning thousands of slices of bread ready for distribution after the final whistle (or at half time) soccer hooliganism could be banished forever.
Road rage could become a footnote in the history books following the positioning of police officers with toasters at strategic points on our road network.
And domestic violence would evaporate in seconds if warring couples took a deep breath, looked into each others eyes and muttered: "You put the grill on and I'll go to the bread bin."
Sadly though the real world isn't quite like that.
The only thing that really stops criminally violent acts by young men (and on our street the perpetrators of violence are virtually all male) is the exercise of self control, a willingness to behave in a civilised manner and real fear of the consequences if you don't.
And of course self control can't be exercised if you have had so much to drink that you don't know if it's Friday night or Monday morning.
The idea that eating a piece of toast will cloak teenage males in an aura of peace is as daft as the notion that you can switch off decades of addiction to nicotine merely by chewing a certain brand of gum or sticking a patch on your arm.
There is a missing vital ingredient here. It's that little thing called will power.
That doesn't mean that I'm for scrapping the toast handouts. They are a nice gesture and more naturally healthy than some of the concoctions to be found in our takeaways.
It would however also be nice if some publicans joined in too and rather than attempting to soak up their customers' excess booze observed a policy of refusing to continue serving teenagers in the first place when they are clearly well and truly plastered.
But perhaps that's all a bit too idealistic.
Let's get back to the real world.
It's probably now only a matter of time before the solicitor representing some drunken lout tells magistrates in mitigation: "My client does not make a habit of assaulting people.
"But on this occasion his behaviour is partly down to the fact that the nightclub he had been attending failed to provide him with his usual slice of Hovis and strawberry jam.
"As a result he left the premises in an agitated state and the next thing he can remember is bending over the victim as he lay bleeding on the ground"
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