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FINALLY I got it.

Inspiration it is said, is 90 per cent perspiration.

In my case, pain as well as perspiration.

So it was apt that I got the idea for this column while in the gym; for the first "Body Blast" (aerobics with big weights and a sadistic instructor) of the year.

I was mentally beating myself up about all those extra mince pies, slices of Christmas cake and chocolate I had eaten in the preceding two weeks. (I kept telling myself that "just one more" wouldn't make any difference: it's never true).

Then it came to me: my New Year advice to the Prime Minister, to secure eternal electoral success.

Abolish January.

What is there to say for this month?

It's cold, damp, dark, depressing. Even the root of the word is deeply uninspiring - based on "Janus", the Roman God of the doorway.

Only the Romans would have had a god for doors.

It's supposed joyously to signify the 'doorway' to the New Year.

But in January I do my best to keep from the door - and more particularly from what comes through it.

In place of all those nice Christmas cards from old friends and acquaintances, catching up with their news, there are just those damned BILLS, plus this week a helpful reminder yesterday from Inland Revenue, in vivid red that I had to settle my tax bill by the end of January or I'd be fined, flogged and despatched to outer darkness (don't worry - or raise your hopes, I will pay it).

My credit card company have even provided a very new service.

In a separate envelope from their post-Christmas bill, which I would much have preferred not to read, they've kindly sent an annual statement, breaking down my spending by category - clothing, books, supermarket, liquor, restaurants.

That hardly cheered me up. It's a terrible shock to be told in hard print just where your money has gone over the preceding 11 months.

To add to the absence of happiness in the month, there's also the sad news that there's more sickness in January, more separations and divorces are commenced in early January than any other period in the year.

So what is there to say for this dreadful month, apart from the fact that February is not much better?

So I'd like your views please, on my draft "Abolition of January Bill", before I write formally to the Prime Minister.

Of course abolishing the month of January would be easy. We could give it another name, for a start.

But there is the serious practical problem of the weather, and those bills: both will require some more detailed consideration to find the answer.

Maybe a Royal Commission of the good and the great, to report by next January?

Meanwhile, a Happy New Year. There's only 21 days left in January, so let's start counting.

11:59am Thursday 10th January 2008

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