MURPHY must have been a genius. I'm talking about he of "Murphy's Law" fame.
Murphy's Law, also known as Sod's Law, says: "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong, and at the worst possible time."
It's the theory behind the undeniable fact that if you drop a slice of bread on the floor, it always seems to fall buttered-side down.
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And this is, of course, even more likely the more appetising the bread is and the more hungry you are.
How did Murphy know this sort of thing was happening to everyone and not just him, as we all assume? How many times have you thought to yourself: "Why do these things always happen to me?"
Murphy's Law can be extended to every area of adult life. It's an undeniable truth that as one area of your life is going swimmingly, another collapses around your ears.
If work is going well you just know there's a £300 motoring bill lurking around the corner. If you've recently found love, you can bet your bottom dollar your boss will land you with a project-from-hell.
And we all know the feeling of knowing that things aren't going to be straightforward, despite the fact they should be. It's usually whenever you have to deal with any sort of big company.
As for trying to sort something out when it involves speaking to people in a call centre where they wear telephone headsets (and ask permission to go to the toilet, if you believe those rumours), well you might as well start bashing your head against the wall before you start, to save time.
Sorry for being so cynical this week - this bitter rant was spawned by losing my mobile phone during an outing on Saturday night. You'd think I was trying to reinvent the wheel, the time and energy it's taken to order a replacement and keep my old number. When it finally arrived this morning the cover was scratched and it'll be three days before I can get another one.
I wonder if this stuff is what they call karma?
The more bad stuff you do in your life - every time you don't rewind the tape before taking it back to the video shop, every time you don't take your trolley back to the proper place in the supermarket, the longer you have to spend on hold listening to awful pan-pipe music.
To test it out we'd have to find out whether Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama ever had trouble when trying to cancel their broadband or order a new debit card.
Maybe it's time to "do an Earl" and copy the plot of that show My Name is Earl, where the lead character vows to make right all the wrongs he's committed in his life.
Although I've got a feeling that, according to Murphy's Law, trying harder to put things right would just encourage fate to make things go even more spectacularly wrong than usual.
People usually drop a piiece of toast from a height of about 4 feet Now,if toast always lands butter side down, and bearing in mind a cat always lands on it's feet,what would happen if you tied a piece of toast (butter side up) to the back of a cat and dropped them from about 4 feet?
(Apart from getting scratched)
People usually drop a piiece of toast from a height of about 4 feet Now,if toast always lands butter side down, and bearing in mind a cat always lands on it's feet,what would happen if you tied a piece of toast (butter side up) to the back of a cat and dropped them from about 4 feet?
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