"HE'S got to be so-macho" Sinitta told us in the 1980s.
But apparently modern men have to be a whole lot more than that if they're going to attract Ms Right, according to a survey out this week.
Because what women REALLY want is a clean-shaven, good-looking man over 5ft 10in who drives a silver Mercedes, has blue eyes, short dark brown hair and a healthy wad in the bank.
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Well duh!
In other news we're told that the Pope is indeed Catholic and that bears do actually do the proverbial in the woods.
These stupid surveys get on my nerves, not least because I suspect they were all made up by some press officer in Soho trying to flog their product, which is always somehow tenuously linked to the survey's results.
But putting my prejudice aside, the ideal man would also love pets, appreciate fine wine, theatres, nice restaurants and have a "wacky" sense of humour, according to www.UKdating.com.
Now this is where the whole thing falls down for me. "Wacky" to me conjures up images of Timmy Mallet or Reg Holdsworth on those annoying double glazing adverts. "Wacky" is not how I'd describe the personality of the man of my dreams. "Witty" maybe, but wacky seems to be a code-word for the type of person who prides themselves on being the office practical joker and bears more than a passing resemblance to David Brent.
"Wacky" seems like the type of word Selina Senagles-Snook in the press office (they always have ridiculous names) thought was jolly appropriate.
Anyway, the survey also reckons football fans get the thumbs-down, which is just a bit mean.
This "perfect man" is sounding a bit too airy fairy to me, appreciating fine wines and the theatre but turning his nose up at a good old-fashioned football match.
I think I'll stick to my normal, football-loving, non-wacky boyfriend, thanks.
But it's not just men who were given a pounding this week - another discovery that smacked of "we're bored of trying to find the cure for cancer, let's have a break" was that scientists have shown that men find long legs attractive.
Faced with the choice of two women of the same height, but with different leg length, they will tend to plump for the one with the longer legs.
It's nothing to do with the fact the one with longer legs looks hot in a mini skirt either - it's all to do with the battle for survival and lengthy limbs are perceived as indicating good health and the ability to be a good provider.
Stumpy legs presumably indicate you're going to keel over at any moment.
Again, a load of baloney I reckon - and that's got nothing to do with the fact that I'm 5ft 3in and can rarely buy a pair of trousers without getting them shortened.
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