IF your Christmas was anything like mine, you'll have spent the last five days gorging yourself on cold turkey, fruit trifle, mixed nuts, Quality Street and mint Matchmakers.
Oh, and not forgetting the weird combinations that the festive season seems to lend itself to: pigs-in-blankets with apricot chutney butties, melon and chunks of ham, cold parsnips dipped in bread sauce . . . hmmm.
But, fellow gannets, don't be tempted to quit the eating festival quite yet because there are only two more days of enjoyment left until the most depressing time of the year for foodies - New Year.
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Traditionally, New Year means giving up everything that's bad for you - in other words, everything you enjoy.
And if, like me, you don't smoke or drink to excess, that means fatty and sugary foods.
Come January 1 it will be no Doritos, no latte frappes, and definitely no Big Mac meals with sweet and sour sauce.
What a terrifying prospect!
I don't know about you but my body just isn't used to going from constant grazing to eating a diet of rice cakes and Slim-a-Soup. It's a shock to the system. The problem with New Year's resolutions is that they're so goddamn boring. It's all "I'll quit doing this" and "I'll force myself to do that."
They're always things that feel like punishments rather than things to make you more happy - and if the point of a New Year resolution isn't to make you more happy then what could you possibly want to do it for?
Why can't we make fun resolutions instead for once, such as, "I promise to let myself have a lie-in every Sunday" or "I will give up force-feeding myself satsumas to ensure I get my five-a-day".
And anyway, what's the matter with staying the same as last year?
Why do we have to undertake a doomed mission of self-improvement every January?
Surely the optimum time for self improvement isn't the coldest, bleakest month in which everyone is the poorest and most anti-social they've been all year.
If you're sitting in every Friday and Saturday night instead of going down the pub, you certainly want a family sized Viennetta to keep you company, not a stick of celery and a bottle of mineral water.
Anyway, this is a rather long-winded way of announcing that I'm not making any New Year resolutions this year. I'm not giving anything up, starting a new hobby or undertaking a military level of exercise.
I might stop the parsnips and bread sauce combo - but only because I can't make it all crispy like my mum does.
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