I ALMOST won the Lottery this week. Well, I say almost.
The syndicate at work won a tenner in the Saturday draw and because it was too small an amount to share out we ploughed our winnings into 10 Lucky Dips for the Wednesday night draw.
Surely we'd get something from that, I reasoned.
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Of course we didn't win a bean, but still it was enough to get me planning what I was going to do with my winnings when we scooped the jackpot.
Deciding what to do if I win the Lottery is one of my secret pastimes - perfect for filling up time when you're sitting on a train bored, or in the dentist's waiting room.
First of all you have to decide how much the jackpot is going to be.
"One million isn't enough. You couldn't live off that forever. You couldn't give up work," is the common consensus.
So we'll settle for five million, shall we?
Then you have to decide how much you're giving to friends and family.
After much thought I've decided I'd give one million to my side of the family's and one to my boyfriend's - and let the parents share it out among the rest of the family.
You know, to avoid arguments. That leaves three million.
Then there's the house and cars to buy. Nothing too flash.
Wouldn't want to forget my humble roots. Perhaps I'd just upgrade my Ford Ka to a SportKa or something.
Of course, you have to do an all-expenses-paid Caribbean holiday for family and close friends. It's almost expected.
And I couldn't possibly carry on working. Where would I find the motivation to get out of bed in the morning for work when I knew I just didn't need to?
To pay myself a salary of £50,000 for 70 years will cost me a whopping £3.5million - and a few quick sums tell me that, whoops, all of a sudden I'm broke again!
Of course I'd try to make some investments along the way - but what if they failed and I lost everything?
To be honest, I've got a sneaking suspicion that if I ever did win the Lottery I'd turn into a miser who never spent a penny for fear of losing it all.
When you've got nothing, there's no problem using it.
But when you actually have something it's easy to be so scared of losing it you cling to it for dear life.
There would also be the constant stream of begging letters and people being nice to you just so you'd buy them stuff.
And imagine having to socialise with that "Lotto Lout" Michael Carroll at Camelot jackpot winners' get-togethers (I assume they have them).
On second thoughts, maybe I won't bother putting a pound on tonight after all.
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