Sorry chaps, this is one argument you’ll never win!

4:10pm Tuesday 22nd July 2008

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There are all sorts of people in the world. And then there are the newlyweds.

Earlier this month I came across a newly married fellow at the local hang-out. All wide-eyed and funny-looking, he wanted to know the secret of a long and successful marriage.

So being the helpful type with plenty of time on my hands, I decided to give him some good old fashioned advice.

“Look, I’m going to tell you what my elders back in the village told me...just remember one thing....you can never ever win an argument.”

It is a well known fact that regardless of what people might say since the dawn of time, a married man has never won an argument with his wife. In fact, I should re-pharase that as ‘A man has never won an argument against a woman.’ Oh, we would like to think we have, but the sooner you realise that the secret to being a good husband is admitting that you cannot win an argument, the better it will be.

I see them everywhere – in the shopping centres, in their cars, in the parks, trying their best to win the argument. But they are all fighting a losing battle.

Sometimes they go to great lengths to try to win the argument. Other times they just concede.

Don’t get me wrong. There are those who have come close to winning the argument. I nearly did back in the second year of my marriage. But the victory was swept from beneath my nose when she brought up some totally unrelated evidence from way back when.

It was a lesson in arguing I will never forget. She was cleverer than I was, even though she made me think I was the bright one.

Now, I know there are those reading this thinking they have all under control and can win the argument. But it is hopeless task because your wives, girlfriends, partners have one major advantage over you.

They don’t actually care if the argument makes any sense. This is where I advised this newly-wed he would fail and fail again, and the sooner he admitted it to himself the better it would be.

Of course he didn’t take me seriously and thought it was the ramblings of a mid-thirties Northern bloke who’d had enough of no one listening to him.

But you have been warned.